Feedback Report

Beta reading of REDACTED

Date of reading start: 2/13/23

Date of reading completion:2/24/23

woods.betareading@gmail.com

Note from the reviewer:

Okay, wow! Can I just say thanks for creating these amazing characters? I have a few suggestions below but I can’t sing your praises enough. It’s not easy composing a novel and your effort and experience shone through in this work. Thank you for allowing me to read it. I truly enjoyed every moment. 

Please let me know if you have any questions or would like to discuss any portion of this feedback.

First Impression

A quick summary of my emotions during the reading, any superficial (or not) hate towards a character, did I understand the plot? Were there any slow parts? Was I gripped by the story? When? And when wasn't I?

Excuse me, the 1700s called. They want their king back. REDACTED, this was immersive right from the start! The setting, the characters, the terminology– all were an incredible display of the research you’ve done to formulate the awesome world that is REDACTED. 

I understood the plot right away, as it was relatively simple. And although simple, the plot was never boring. More on this in the plot section!

The writing was polished and came across as a final draft. As someone who receives many manuscripts in the early stages, this was a breath of fresh air. My only critique would be that a few sentences felt very long and bulky. For example, in the first few pages: “REDACTEDtried to push all thought of it away, focusing intently on the cool breeze, promising autumn, on the mingled scent of pine and dirt and horses that drifted with it, on the occasional splash as REDACTEDreeled in another fish from the brook at the edge of their woodland camp, high in the foothills.” There’s a ton of information in this one sentence. I had to reread it a couple times. I would definitely break this up into more digestible bits. There are only a few grammatical errors that I think one more read through could easily fix.

Normally, I’m not a fan of prologues, but when done right (like here), they are wonderful additions to the story. Well done. I immediately felt something off about REDACTEDand REDACTED, and was quite intensely hoping for their downfall by the end of the prologue. 

In addition, your scenes are not only intriguing, they’re memorable. As I am sitting here writing the report after reading the entire novel, I can pull specific moments straight from my mind instead of relying on my annotations as I usually do. That’s what an author should aim for when polishing their writing. 

Gripping moments:

• REDACTED and REDACTEDbeing attacked by REDACTED.

• REDACTEDsearching for a safehouse.

• REDACTEDarriving at that same safehouse.

• REDACTEDwriting the letter to REDACTED- the REDACTED was such a cool spy tool!

• The whole REDACTEDsoldier REDACTEDplot point! I love how you wrote the scene from multiple perspectives. 

• REDACTEDpointing his gun at REDACTEDand debating killing him. I was on the edge of my seat. Especially after REDACTEDsaw him!

• Meeting REDACTED.

• Escaping REDACTED’s house to hide from the REDACTED.

• Launching a counterattack on REDACTEDin REDACTED’s town.

• REDACTEDjumping in front of REDACTED’s bullet to save REDACTED.

• Finding out REDACTEDwas REDACTED!

• Regent soldiers REDACTED.

• REDACTEDrescuing REDACTED.

• REDACTED leaping in to rescue REDACTEDand her brother from REDACTED.

• The REDACTEDwith REDACTEDand REDACTED. Especially when the REDACTED!

• REDACTEDand REDACTEDgetting surrounded by REDACTEDand then REDACTED.

• REDACTED.

• REDACTED.

Memorable, but not as gripping moments (because there were no boring moments):

• Meeting REDACTED at the post office

• REDACTEDand REDACTED’s arrival at the fort

• Meeting REDACTEDin the fort

• REDACTEDand REDACTED’s meeting

• The cool house REDACTEDthat only REDACTEDknew about.

• The gang finding REDACTEDin the tavern with the weird anti-beard lady haha

• REDACTEDand REDACTED’s dance.

Plot

A summary of the plot to help the writer understand what my takeaway as a reader was. 

REDACTEDPlot summary redacted. Word count: 938.

Overall impression of the plot.

Initially, I was expecting a relatively plain quest to defeat an enemy king. Boy, was I pleasantly surprised when the plot had subterfuge, REDACTED, interweaving character arcs, and quick pacing!

I liked how there was always conflict happening, as well. The stakes were high and all the while things were happening in the background, causing turmoil to turn REDACTED’s stomach. For example, the REDACTEDburning REDACTED’s town, leading him to believe REDACTED. Or the REDACTEDsent to their deaths because he REDACTEDtoo soon.

The only thing I would add would be some kind of outside request for assistance. I don’t think it was mentioned that REDACTEDasked neighboring countries for assistance in the war. The fact that this wasn’t mentioned sparked questions in my mind, such as did they just not have allies? Are these the only two countries on the continent? Even if they would ask, the allies wouldn’t have to help them but I think at least mentioning that someone was on their way to ask for help would make the world even more believable and immersive. 

It also wasn’t very clear whether REDACTEDwas going to REDACTEDat the end. Just an idea to include some snippet about that but it’s fine as is!

Characters

Individual character analysis of main characters.

I chose the following characters as “main” characters because I felt they had either a very distinct voice or the most growth. I can see you are also a fan of the dynamic character! REDACTEDall went through some kind of transformation by the end of the novel, which made every scene enjoyable, in my opinion. 

REDACTED: Character #1

I love an underdog. REDACTEDwas such a good character for this plot. From beginning to end, his transformation was paced perfectly. He was an example of a traditional zero to hero (in his mind). He cared about the right things, and made the reader want to root for him. You did a great job showing his compassion for the people.

REDACTED: Character #2

My favorite character by far! He had sass, he had turmoil, he had a great backstory, what’s not to like? He also provided one of my favorite tropes: REDACTED. They knew he was REDACTED… but they had no idea REDACTED! He was loyal when it mattered, highly intelligent, and such a fun mind to be in. Loved everything about him. Wouldn’t change a thing.

REDACTED: Character #3

Wow. I never expected this plot twist– and I’m notorious for seeing them miles ahead. Did I like the fact that he was actually REDACTED? Yes and no. I’ll explain. Yes #1: Suck it REDACTED! Yes #2: What a cool reveal, and a great way to add conflict when things were starting to work out. No: it worked out too well for REDACTED. Having the rightful king of REDACTEDon his side cheapened REDACTED’s power, lowering the stakes for REDACTED. I was also a tad unsure why REDACTEDthought it was a good idea to REDACTEDafter his fallout with REDACTED. Clearly they didn’t know who he was or they would have him killed in secret right? That seems a bit too dangerous. Unless he was trying to lowkey commit REDACTED. If that’s the case, I’d make his intentions more clear to the reader. Overall, I really liked him. He added a great balance to the tension in the group with his relaxed demeanor and devil-may-care attitude.

REDACTED: Character #4

I thoroughly enjoyed REDACTED’s character! I was surprised when she began to get her own chapters but quickly became anxious to find out what happened with her next. I think anyone can relate to her willingness to stand up for what she wants while she struggles with the fear of the unknown. 

Are there any common flaws/strong points in character creation or development? This could be a too similar voice or all the characters are complex. 

REDACTED, REDACTED, and REDACTEDfelt like they were very similar in voice. They all seemed to be responsible, loyal friends to REDACTED though they did have moments where their individuality shone through. I found myself looking back more than a few times in order to decipher whose mind we were currently in if it were one of these three. 

REDACTED, REDACTED, REDACTED, REDACTED, and REDACTEDfelt significantly different, all with various voices.

Dialogue

The mix between narration and dialogue. Too much/too little dialogue. If there is any confusion in who is speaking, scenes where tags are unnecessary.

I felt the dialogue and narration were appropriately balanced. My only confusion was sometimes deciphering between REDACTED, REDACTED, and REDACTEDfor reasons mentioned above. However, the tags were adequately placed so I seldom had to look back to determine who was speaking. 

I will also note that I liked the variance in frequency of speech from each character as well. Some authors believe that because all seven characters are in the scene, it means they all have to speak. Clearly, your skill demonstrates that you know when is most important for each character to speak, and how they do so– whether a substantial passage, silence, or something in between.

Plausibility

Do I feel like characters make decisions that don’t match up with their personality or the situation they are in? Ages, professional competencies, etc.

Yes, definitely! I have no real notes on this other than I found everyone to be acting as expected, given their personality and life experience. 

Genre

Did I feel that the story was true to the genre described? Did the writing style match the genre?

Historical Fantasy: 18th Century

Yes, yes, and YES! The terminology for various weapons, tools, structures, etc. was perfectly applied as well as the character behaviors and royal traditions. Everything was well-researched and expertly included to paint an 18th century masterpiece. 

Fantasy/Dystopia

Was there a solid balance of world building and plot or too much/not enough?

I found the plot complemented the world-building and vice versa. When I had a question about what some weapon or structure was, the characters were immediately depicted using said weapon or studying said structure. This was incredibly well done and allowed the reader to experience the new world, instead of reading about it.

This book could benefit from a map. Though town descriptions were clear, I found myself only vaguely aware of where they were located in relation to one another. I can definitely see traditional publishers requiring a map for this novel due to the travel between warring nations, platoon movements, and the multi-pov. 

Author’s Requested Focus

Any particular questions or topics the author has asked I pay special attention to.

“I think the biggest thing for me is making sure the reader can form an emotional connection to the characters, so if you find anything either stylistically or narratively that might hinder that, that would be great to know!”

The only hindrance I found was lack of interiority in key places. The character arcs are well thought out and plausible but I found myself wanting a little bit more of what each character was thinking and feeling in those moments. I have a few examples in my annotations but I’ll list them here too. 

1. Example 1. REDACTED’s gaze turned to ice. “Tell that to them.” Though the moon shone through the trees with soft silver light, REDACTEDsaw everything in hues of red.

You started to get into how he felt with the last sentence but it quickly cuts off. An additional few sentences (maybe one strong sentence) would really drive home the interiority here. 

2. Example 2.  He REDACTEDonce they were asleep. It was better this way, on his own terms. He wouldn’t wait for someone else to tell him what he already knew. So, like so many times before, he REDACTED.

Same as Example 1, there was the beginning of how REDACTEDfelt as he REDACTED, but no follow up. I wanted to see how much he was struggling with this decision, if at all, and this didn’t do it for me. 

3. Example 3. It was miserable traveling weather. (This was right after REDACTEDmade the decision to have the army REDACTED REDACTED and REDACTED REDACTED to march further from the fort.)

This section starts right after REDACTEDthinks about the two that REDACTED. He has no thoughts or feelings on this at all? It seems he would, knowing how close he’d become with REDACTED. 

You did interiority so well with REDACTED! I felt his struggle and saw how tormented he was with his loyalty split between REDACTEDand REDACTED. You also let the reader see the pressure he was under to REDACTED REDACTEDand his reluctance to do so. He was my favorite! This is what I wanted for every other character. Now, I completely understand having an extensive cast puts you in a bit of a crux with knowing how much to include, so I don’t blame you for cutting down on the inner thoughts and feelings of some others. You started strong with REDACTED’s inner world in the beginning of the novel, but it felt like it fell off midway through. He absolutely must have consistent interiority for the reader to be invested in his growth, especially since he’s THE main character. 

Some random ideas to increase emotional connection (that you absolutely do not have to use, but are here if you want to): 

• Show REDACTEDmissing his mother. This will reinforce his age, his naivety, and pull on our heartstrings a little.

• Show REDACTED watching a REDACTEDin one of the towns they stop in. This is sadly, very relatable to those who have lost loved ones. 

• Write a scene in REDACTED’s perspective of seeing REDACTEDin the REDACTED, and make him lovesick. This will heighten his stakes later when he has to REDACTEDand REDACTED.

• Show REDACTEDusing her new-found confidence defending herself, or doing something for herself. We already get that she is a fierce and loyal friend but it will show true growth if she shows up for herself as well. 

• Make REDACTEDdependent on alcohol. This would reinforce his insecurities about REDACTEDand heighten the stakes even more when REDACTEDis REDACTED. This is also sadly, very relatable to many Americans. 

Kindle Annotations

I’ve attached my in-line highlights and annotations as well. Please let me know if you have any questions about those!